


The Trial

by Zath_Chauvert



Category: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), Scarlet Pimpernel - Orczy
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-07
Updated: 2003-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-09 16:43:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zath_Chauvert/pseuds/Zath_Chauvert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not exactly a crossover, this is a brief scene from The Scarlet Pimpernel as it might have been if it had been done by the Monty Python guys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trial

**Author's Note:**

> **Title: ** The Trial  
> **Author: ** Zath Chauvert  
> **Summary: ** a brief scene from _The Scarlet Pimpernel_ as it might have been if it had been done by the Monty Python guys  
> **Rating: ** G  
> **Feedback: ** Yes, please! Any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated.  
> **Disclaimer: ** Sir Percy is the creation of Baroness Orczy. The witch trial scene from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_, is the creation of the Monty Python guys, as is the rest of the movie. The French Revolution is the creation of a bunch of disgruntled French peasants. :)  
> **Warning: ** If you have never seen the movie _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_, then you are a very deprived person, and you have missed out on an important (and highly amusing) part of English speaking culture! Go watch it now!

**The Trial**  
By Zath Chauvert

**Scene - A Paris Courtroom**

_[Fade In]_

[The scene opens as a girl in an extravagant but ill-fitting dress is dragged before the Committee of Public Safety by a mob of French peasants, all speaking in the obligatory 'outrageous accents' of English people making fun of the French.]

**Mob:** (yelling at the tops of their lungs) "She's an aristo! Cut off her head!"

_[Sir Percy Blakeney, baronet, who is disguised as a fish merchant, wanders into the court and watches the proceedings from the back of the crowd.]_

**Mob:** (still yelling) "Cut off her head! Hang the traitor from the lamppost! She's a bloody aristo!"

**Judge:** "And how do you know that she is an aristocrat?"

**Frenchie #1:** "She made me wear froufrou!"

_[Everyone turns to look at look at him and sees that he is dressed in the filthy rags typical to the Sans-Culottes, just like everyone else.]_

**Frenchie #1:** (rather sheepishly) "I changed my clothes..."

_[There is a brief but awkward pause as the entire mob falls silent.]_

**Frenchie #2:** "Well she looks like an aristo! I say we cut off her head!"

**Mob:** "Yeah!"

**Girl:** "But I'm not an aristo. _They_ dressed me like this, and this isn't my real hair, it's a wig!"

_[The judge leans forward and lifts up the beautifully styled fancy wig, revealing short grungy hair beneath. Then he turns and addresses the mob.]_

**Judge:** "Is this true?"

**Frenchie #2:** "Well we did add the wig..."

**Frenchie #1:** "And the ball gown..."

**Frenchie #3:** "But she's still an aristo! Let's cut off her head!"

**Mob:** "Yeah!"

**Judge:** "There is a way to determine whether or not she is, as you say, an 'aristo.' What do we do to aristocrats?"

**Frenchie #2:** "We catch them and we cut off their heads!"

**Mob:** "Yeah!"

**Judge:** "And what else do we have to chase down and deal with by removing its head?"

**Mob:** "Uhhhh..."

**Frenchie #2:** "Spiders?"

**Frenchie #3:** "Onions?"

**Frenchie #1:** "Very small trees?"

**Percy in disguise:** "A chicken!"

**Judge:** "Yes, a chicken! Very good! Therefore, if she runs as fast as a chicken..."

**Frenchie #1:** She... she must be an aristocrat?"

**Judge:** "Precisely!"

**Percy in disguise:** "And then we can cut off her head!"

**Mob:** "Yeah!"

**Percy in disguise:** "C'mon everyone, let's go find a chicken!"

**Mob:** "Yeah!"

_[Everyone rushes out of the courtroom to go look for a chicken, and in the confusion Percy grabs the girl and carries her to safety.]_

[Fade To Black]

* * *


End file.
